What is a BULLY? The answers were varied and thought provoking. The overall picture that emerged was that bullies have no special look about them, they just behave badly. Usually it is because they themselves were bullied, they have low self esteem and low self-confidence. Bullying is about an imbalance of power and the end result is that a bully doesn’t feel good about him/herself and goes after others who also have low self esteem. As well, bullies like to “steal” power and look for others (spectators) to make them powerful. They want others to think they are cool and they do this by picking on others’ weaknesses! Sometimes it is because the victim is small, weak, different, younger and scared. Finally, the moist common type of bullying is emotional and psychological since this is the easiest to do and the most difficult to observe.Jason from the Toronto Argo Football Team explained to students how he got picked on because he was small. He told his own story about how he was bullied as a child. He explained that now his life mission is to ensure others do not have to endure what he did. He ended with these messages:“Don’t be a bully, be a friend!”
“Support – report – defend” and,
“Don’t stand by, stand up!”
For more see www.theattribute.ca
Tips for Parents on Dealing with Bullying
- Teach your child to report bullying to a trusted adult, and to be specific about what is happening. Saying, “She calls me names” or “He threatens to hurt me” is more effective than “She’s bugging me!”
- Let children know that you will take concerns seriously and take action to protect them. Often, kids feel powerless when bullied, and presume no one can help them.
- Find out about the bullying and harassment policy in your children’s school, clubs and sport teams. If there isn’t one, offer to form a group to create one. (If you don’t know where to start, Red Cross
RespectED offers workshops and consultation to help organizations and schools create effective policies.) - Understand the difference between tattling and telling. Tattlers are trying to get someone else in trouble for breaking a rule. Telling is when a child lets an adult know that something bad is happening, and that help is needed to stop it.
- Bystanders usually encourage bullying, even when they hate it. Teach your child to be a positive bystander. If they see someone being bullied, they should not watch, laugh or join in. Instead, they should make it clear that they are on the side of the victim, not the bully—and they should tell an adult what they saw or heard.
- Model respectful behavior at home and in your daily interactions – children often emulate the behaviors of adults close to them.
If your child is being bullied:
- Assure your child that bullying is not his/her fault, and that everyone deserves respect.
- Explain that using fists or insults as protection against bullying is not a good solution—it could make things worse (and get your child in trouble).
- Remind children to ignore teasing by turning their heads or walking away. Humor can sometimes defuse the situation, too.
- Teach assertiveness skills … your child should know he or she has the right to stand up to the bully and say “Stop it!” without being aggressive. You could explain it like this: “Say it like you mean it, but not in a mean voice.”
- If bullying is happening at school, let the school know—they may be unaware, and insist that they follow their policy guidelines.
- Talk with the child about ways to avoid the bully. Making a plan of action can make the child feel empowered, even if at first it seems unfair to have to.
- Help your child with their self-esteem by valuing their contributions and achievements. If they are socially isolated at school, get them involved in community activities that will allow them to socialize and build confidence.
- Call the Parent Help Line 1-888-603-9100 for ideas and support.
